Are you a caregiving spouse? Or does that describe one of your parents or grandparents? Have you considered caregiving’s physical, emotional, and financial impacts, and how it might affect relationships?

Sharon reached out to us about giving her husband a break from his duties in taking care of her. A meeting was scheduled, but when we arrived, her husband turned us away at the door. Later, when we spoke with Sharon, she explained her husband was resisting the idea of another caregiver. He felt he could do it all.

Hesitation in bringing in additional care can come from either spouse. It can be the spouse receiving care – “But I don’t need a caregiver!”  Or, as in Sharon’s situation, the spouse providing care believes they can handle it.

Forty-four percent of older adults receiving help are receiving care from their spouses. (source) For many, it’s a natural progression of their relationship. After all, their wedding vows probably included “…in sickness and in health…” While a tremendous blessing for the care recipient, caregiving’s impact on the caregiver spouse – physical well-being, mental health, relationships, and finances – is woefully underappreciated.

Physical Wellness

As a spouse steps into the caregiving role, they may unintentionally neglect their own health. Assisting with activities such as lifting, bathing, or mobility can result in physical injuries such as falls, muscle strain, or joint issues. Lower back pain is a common ailment among caregivers. That’s one reason why at Sunlight, we provide extra training for our caregivers on proper lifting techniques. Also, fatigue can set in, especially when coupled with loss of sleep due to the resultant pain, anxiety, or nighttime care needs.

Mental Health

As we talk with prospective clients and their families, we often hear about elevated depression and anxiety in the spouse who is providing care. “Mom ‘s just not the same happy person”. “Dad’s afraid to leave mom alone for even a minute.” For some caregiving spouses, the situation has gradually changed. Others were thrust into the caregiver role and not prepared for its mental toll.

Early on, the emotional stress of caregiving may show up as an increasing lack of patience (with life in general or their spouse specifically.) Over time, the stress can lead to burnout, compounding the other physical and mental ailments already identified.

Further impacting mental health, caregiving often results in feelings of Isolation. Former activities are set aside in order to provide the needed care. Throughout Jerry’s battle with cancer and its treatments, Arloene rarely stepped out of their home. Staying socially connected is important for preserving mental and emotional well-being. When caregiving limits these interactions, it can take a toll on the health of both spouses.

Relationships

As caregiving spouses withdraw from social activities outside of the home, those relationships suffer. We innately know that relationships are life-giving. Spending time with others who are glad to be with us is one of the best ways to refill our “joy tanks”!

With a spousal caregiver, the couple’s relationship with each other is impacted as well. The dependent spouse may struggle with feelings of inadequacy or a loss of identity, The caregiving spouse can feel the weight of responsibility, often feeling overwhelmed. These shifts, though natural, can sometimes lead to frustration or even conflict, adding to the emotional strain both partners may already be experiencing. That was the case with David, who admitted there had been times he used a harsh tone of voice and even yelled at his wife.

Even how the couple interacts with their adult children can be affected. The caregiver spouse may hesitate to ask for help, wanting to maintain their independence, while the adult children might feel the need to step in more, leading to emotional strain for both the parents and their children.

Finances

As mentioned, serving as a spouse’s caregiver can take its toll, physically and emotionally. And that toll can mean additional expenses for doctor visits and prescriptions if the spousal caregiver’s own well-being deteriorates. Roy, a gentleman we spoke with, was mad at himself for missing payment deadlines. He explained one month the late payment fees alone totaled more than $100. All because his wife’s care was always on his mind. Linda was looking for respite care so that her husband and primary caregiver, Tom, could continue bringing in income from his part-time job.

Accepting Respite Care

Welcoming the help of an outside caregiver – even if for just a few hours a week – can be the solution couples are looking for. It’s always special when we hear from a caregiving spouse. Our client Kathy Z said, “I like Shavonne (her husband’s Sunlight Caregiver) a lot! She’s always on-time and does a great job!”

As we have written previously, “having a Caregiver is not a sign of weakness or surrendering your independence. It’s quite the opposite – embracing in-home senior care is a sign of strength, a profound testament to your readiness to face the challenges that can accompany the aging process.”  This goes for care recipients and for their caregiving spouse.

Caregiving spouses are the backbone of elder care, but they need not go it alone. Many of our in-home care clients are devoted couples, enjoying the care services, and peace of mind from having a respite caregiver. Plus, they have a new friend!

For all of the physical, emotional, relational, and even financial issues listed above and more, if you and your spouse, your parents, or your grandparents could use the support of a professional caregiver, please call Sunlight Senior Care!