It’s obvious to you and others. Your mother needs additional help to ensure her safety and well-being at home. You bring up the idea of hiring a Caregiver but she responds, “I don’t need a Caregiver!”

Even though aging is a natural part of life, it comes with a set of challenges that require delicate navigation. The following suggestions can help you approach this with empathy and understanding.

Recognize and respect your mother’s autonomy. She has lived a long and independent life, and the idea of relinquishing control can be daunting. By acknowledging her autonomy, you lay the foundation for open and honest communication.

Have compassionate conversations about her needs and concerns. Listen attentively and validate her feelings. Try to understand her perspective and fears without judgement, creating an environment where she feels heard and respected.

  • Is pride an issue? She likely took pride in caring for herself and others. Helping her realize an outside Caregiver feels that same sense of accomplishment and pride in caring for clients can shed new light on your mother’s perspective.
  • Is there a stigma around having a “Caregiver”? In contrast, having a “housekeeper” is a bit of a status symbol. Presented in the context of having help with light housework, cleaning, laundry, etcetera, can make the idea much more acceptable.
  • Is she resistant because there’s too much uncertainty? Suggest “trying it for a month and see how it goes.” Then, as the Caregiver relationship deepens, these at home caregiver services might be expanded.

Involve her in making the decision. Discuss the options together and what you’ve learned through your research. Together, talk with the potential care provider(s) to ease her worries.

Seek advice from a trusted individual. If your mother is still resisting the idea, it may be helpful to seek advice from someone she trusts. Does she have a doctor she sees regularly? A social worker? Perhaps you could turn to that neighbor, close friend, or member of her church or civic group who first suggested your mother could use some additional help.

You and your mother both share a concern for her health, safety, and well-being. Approaching the situation with love and understanding helps to create a path forward that prioritizes your mother’s happiness and dignity while providing the support she needs.